You don’t take crap from other people, why do you take it from yourself?
We can easily spot the crap in other people. Little white lies. Half-truths. Passive aggression. Bold-faced lies. Yet, we do the same manipulative, derisive things to ourselves with reckless abandon. How is it ok to follow the golden rule for others, yet not apply it to ourselves?
I would argue people can see through our charade. Others notice when we aren’t so nice to ourselves and start to wonder if they think that about themselves, what must they think about me?
In addition, we get into such a bad habit saying mean things to ourselves, we start applying the same logic to others. At first, it might seem counter-intuitive but, being nice to others starts with being nice to ourselves first. Put on your own oxygen mask first. Take care of yourself so that you have the mental and emotional capacity to be nice to yourself and others.
When you get stressed out by mistakes or problems, repeat the mantra, “Mercy and Grace.” Remember you’re practicing mercy and grace on yourself, so you can offer it to others. These concepts are not finite, they don’t run out. Instead, they are like the flame from a candle. You can share your flame, and light someone else’s candle, and still have a flame for yourself.
The more love you give away, the more love you have.
Key phrases to avoid when you’re working on being kind to yourself:
I can’t believe I…
What kind of an idiot am I?
Here are some replacement ideas:
Maybe I need to slow down
Maybe I’m overburdened at the moment
Take it easy
What can I cut out, in this moment, that would help me de-stress?
Am I: Hungry? Angry? Tired?
Here’s a nice reminder: You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14